List of Misquotations Quotations

List of misquotations

From Wikiquote

This page consists of things that many people think are correct quotations but are actually incorrect. This does not include quotations that were actually blunders by the people that said them.

See also: Quotations on misquotation.

Contents 1 Misattributed 2 Unsourced, unverified, or other best guesses 3 Commonly misquoted 3.1 People 4 Further reading

Misattributed

• "I'll be 'bach'", The Terminator.
  • The way Arnold Schwarzeneggar actually pronounces the word, is the correct pronunciation of "back".
• "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto.", Dorothy Gale in The Wizard of Oz (played by Judy Garland)
  • This phrase was never uttered by the character. What she really said was Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more.

• "Oooh, Betty", Frank Spencer in Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em (played by Michael Crawford)
  • He never actually said the line, though he did use to say a quavering "Oooh".

• "Not a lot of people know that.", Michael Caine, British actor.
  • Peter Sellers said this whilst doing an impression of Michael Caine and he has become associated with the quote despite having not said it in the first place. http://www.metro.co.uk/film/858942-michael-caine-i-never-said-not-a-lot-of-people-know-that

• “Nice guys finish last.” Leo Durocher (1906–1991), US baseball manager.
  • As reported in the biography, Nice Guys Finish Last, (by Leo Durocher, with Ed Linn, Simon & Schuster, 1975), Durocher’s remark was his reply to being asked his opinion of the 1946 New York Giants. He actually said “Take a look at them. All nice guys. They’ll finish last. Nice guys – finish last.” Elision of the subordinate conjunction in the final sentence turned an evaluation into a declaration that nice people are doomed to failure.

• “The two most common elements in the Universe are Hydrogen and Stupidity.” Harlan Ellison (born May 27, 1934), US author.
  • Although stated by Ellison in a non-fiction essay in the mid-1960s, this quote has been frequently misattributed to Frank Zappa. In Zappa's autobiography, The Real Frank Zappa Book (1989), on page 239, Zappa does make a similar comment: "Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe."

• "If I can't dance I don't want to be in (/a part of) your revolution." (also: "If I can't dance to it, it's not my revolution")
  • Widely attributed to Emma Goldman but, according to Goldman scholar Alix Kates Shulman, instead the invention of anarchist printer Jack Frager for a small batch of Goldman T-shirts he printed in 1973. In her memoirs, Goldman does remember being censured for dancing and states:
    • "I insisted that our Cause could not expect me to become a nun and that the movement should not be turned into a cloister. If it meant that, I did not want it. 'I want freedom, the right to self-expression, everybody's right to beautiful, radiant things.'" – Living My Life (New York: Knopf, 1934), p. 56
  • See Shulman, Alix Kates 'Dances With Feminists, Women's Review of Books, Vol. IX, no. 3, December 1991.

• "Just the facts, ma'am."
  • This, the best known quote from the Jack Webb series Dragnet, was never said by Sgt. Friday in any of the Dragnet radio or television series. The quote was, however, adopted in the 1987 Dragnet pseudo-parody film starring Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks in which Aykroyd played Sgt. Joe Friday.
  • Correct versions:

"All we want are the facts, ma'am."

"All we know are the facts, ma'am."

• • Mikkelson, Barbara and David P. (29 March 2002). Just the Facts. Urban Legends. snopes.com. Retrieved on 2006-12-18.
• We trained hard . . . but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing; and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization.
  • Usually misattributed to Petronius Arbiter
  • Actually by Charlton Ogburn (1911–1998) from "Merrill's Marauders: The truth about an incredible adventure" in the January 1957 issue of Harper's Magazine
  • Actual quote: "We trained hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganized. Presumably the plans for our employment were being changed. I was to learn later in life that, perhaps because we are so good at organizing, we tend as a nation to meet any new situation by reorganizing; and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralization."
  • see Brown, David S. "Petronius or Ogburn?", Public Administration Review, Vol. 38, No. 3 (May – June, 1978), p. 296 [1]

• "Elementary, my dear Watson" – Sherlock Holmes
  • This phrase was never uttered by the character in any of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's written works. Though "Elementary," and "...my dear Watson." both do appear near the beginning of The Crooked Man (1893), it is the "...my dear Watson" that appears first, and "Elementary" is the succinct reply to Watson's exclamation a few lines of dialogue later. This is the closest these four immortal words ever appear together in the canon.
  • The first documented occurrence of this quote appears in the P. G. Wodehouse novel, "Psmith, Journalist", which was serialized in The Captain magazine (1909-10) then published in book form (1915) and contains the following dialog:

"That's right," said Billy Windsor. "Of course."

"Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary," murmured Psmith.

• The end justifies the means.
  • Often misattributed to Machiavelli's The Prince, in which the idea appears but not the phrase itself, and to many other writers who repeat this aphorism which is at least as old as Ovid, Heroides (c. 10 BC): Exitus acta probat. See also: Means and ends.

• On the whole, I would rather be in Philadelphia.
  • Misattributed to W.C. Fields
  • Actual quote: "Here Lies W.C. Fields: I would rather be living in Philadelphia." Presented as one of "A group of artists [writing] their own epitaphs" in a 1925 issue of Vanity Fair — which may or may not have been written by the figures whose names appear with the epitaphs.
  • see Amory, Cleveland, and Bradlee, Frederic, Vanity Fair: Selections from America's Most Memorable Magazine, a Cavlcade of the 1920s and 1930s, Viking Press, 1960, page 103.

• "I invented the internet."
  • Misattributed to Al Gore.
  • This one is a false misquote because normally it's other people that made fun of Al Gore by claiming he invented the internet. He gets grief because of the credit he claimed. The Correct Gore quote from CNN's Late Edition: "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet. I took the initiative in moving forward a whole range of initiatives that have proven to be important to our country's economic growth and environmental protection, improvements in our educational system."
  • Finkelstein, Seth (28 April 2006). Al Gore "invented the Internet" – resources. sethf.com. Retrieved on 2011-6-16.

• "Theirs but to do or die!"
  • This is a misstatement of a line from Tennyson’s “The Charge Of The Light Brigade”, which actually says “Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die”.
  • See http://wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Charge_of_the_Light_Brigade_(poem)

• "Far from the maddening crowd"
  • This is a misstatement of a line from Thomas Gray’s poem “Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard” (1751): "Far from the madding crowd's ignoble strife, Their sober wishes never learn'd to stray." The line was later used by Thomas Hardy as the title of his novel “Far From The Madding Crowd”.
  • See http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/134150.html

• "With great power comes great responsibility."
  • This is often erroneously assumed to be the quote of Ben Parker dating back to the original Spider-Man origin story as depicted in 1962's Amazing Fantasy #15. This statement appears as a caption of narration in the last panel of the story and wasn't a spoken line by any characters in the story. In most retellings of Spider-Man's origin, including the 2002 film, the quote has been retconned to depict Uncle Ben's final lecture to Peter Parker prior to Ben's tragic death, and as the words which continue to drive Peter as Spider-Man. According to wikiquote, Ben Parker said it, but Voltaire said it first.

Unsourced, unverified, or other best guesses

These may not necessarily be misquotations, but catchphrases from popular culture, whose formation required slight alterations to put them into context and make them memorable."

• "No rest for the wicked."
  • Probably a corruption of Isaiah 57:21 "There is no peace, saith my God, to the wicked."

• "Mate, how does it feel to have dropped the World Cup"
  • Allegedly by Steve Waugh to Herschelle Gibbs when Gibbs dropped a now infamous catch that eventually assisted in South Africa being knocked out of the 1999 Cricket World Cup. Although some Australian cricketers claim they heard this exchange, Waugh himself denies it was said.

• "Because it's there"
  • George Mallory on why he wanted to climb Mount Everest. Questions have been raised about the authenticity of this quote. It may have been invented by a newspaper reporter.

• "It's a funny old game"
  • Jimmy Greaves' autobiography "Greavsie" insists that, despite this quote regularly being attributed to him, he has never used it. The misquotation may arise from a trailer for the Central Television programme Spitting Image during the mid-1980s.

• "Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely."
  • This misquote hearkens back to the British Lord Acton, a 19th century English historian who was commenting about tyrannical monarchs (Caesar, Henry VIII, Napoleon, various Russian Tsars, etc.). Lord Acton actually wrote: "Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men."

• "Beam me up, Scotty" – James T. Kirk
  • From the Star Trek science fiction television series. Several variants of this do occur in the series, such as "Energize", "Beam me aboard," "Beam us up home," or "Two to beam up," but "Beam me up, Scotty" was never said during the run of the original Star Trek series. However, the quote "Beam us up, Scotty" was uttered in Star Trek: The Animated Series. The movie Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home included the closest other variation: "Scotty, beam me up." James Doohan, the actor who played Scotty, did choose this phrase as the title of his 1996 autobiography.

• "Damn it, Jim! I'm a doctor not a..." – Leonard McCoy
  • From the Star Trek science fiction television series. McCoy had several lines of this sort, except that he never said "damn it". Only one "swear word" was used on the original Star Trek series (prior to the movies): "hell." It was most famously spoken at the end of the episode entitled "City on the Edge of Forever": "Let's get the hell out of here" – J. T. Kirk.
  • Used in Star Trek (2009).

• "All that glistens is not gold" / "All that glitters is not gold" – William Shakespeare
  • Correct quote: "All that glisters is not gold". Often (usually) misquoted.
  • Spoken by the Prince of Morocco in The Merchant of Venice

• "Blood, Sweat, and Tears" – Winston Churchill
  • Correct quote: "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat."
  • The quote appeared in the book Metropolis, written by Thea von Harbou (wife of Metropolis director Fritz Lang), first published in 1926. The text, describing Freder Fredersen who has just finished his first day working to keep the machines of Metropolis alive, states, "He tasted a salty taste on his lips, and did not know if it was from blood, sweat, or tears."
  • Notes: A similar quote from Winston Churchill can be found in a recorded speech he gave to the House of Commons where he says " I have never promised anything but blood, sweat and tears, now however we have a new experience. We have victory. a..a remarkable victory. A bright gleam has caught the helmets of our soldiers and warmed and cheered all our hearts."
  • The song from the movie The Longest Day says: " [...] Filled with hopes and filled with fears. Filled with blood and sweat and tears [...]"
  • Blood, Sweat and Tears is the name of the 1963 album from Johnny Cash which inspired the name for the music group formed in 1967 and may be the source of confusion.

• "God helps those who help themselves"
  • The saying is not biblical, although it is an ancient proverb that shows up in the literature of many cultures, including a 1736 edition of Benjamin Franklin's Poor Richard's Almanac. "There is a Rabbinic saying: "One who comes to be purified is helped." which is quite similar.
  • This is more or less identical to the message in one of the Aesop's fables, about a man praying to Hercules.
  • The saying is also found in Xenophon's masterpiece about Cyrus, Cyropaedia.
  • Pretty much the motto on the coat of arms of Huddersfield, England 'Juvat impigros deus'. Strictly speaking, God helps the industrious, but locally translated as "God helps those who help themselves".

• "Lead on, Macduff"
  • Correct quote: "Lay on, Macduff, and damned be him who first cries 'Hold! enough!'"- William Shakespeare (Macbeth)

• "Bubble bubble, toil and trouble."
  • Correct quote: "Double, double toil and trouble." – William Shakespeare (Macbeth)
  • Notes: The line following this quote reads "Fire burn and cauldron bubble"; if the first line had indeed read "Bubble bubble, toil and trouble", the second line would sound redundant.
  • "Bubble bubble" was popularized in the hit Disney cartoon DuckTales – "Much Ado About Scrooge." The witches on the island chanted "Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble. Leave this island on the double." Here the words from the Macbeth rhyming scheme are reversed.

• "Methinks the lady doth protest too much"
  • Correct quote: "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." – William Shakespeare (Hamlet) This quote comes from Hamlet, Act 3, scene 2, line 254 (line accuracy may differ in varying versions of the play). In this case, "protest" means more of "proclaim" than "argue against". Gertrude says it when Hamlet asks her if she's enjoying the play, in which the Player King and Player Queen act out what Hamlet believes was the murder of his father. On one level, she's critiquing the play by saying the Player Queen has too much to say. On another level, knowing what Hamlet is doing, she's critiquing her son by telling him very subtly that he's got it wrong – at least as matters pertain to her. However, she might not for certain have made the connection with her story yet. It is early in the play and what has happened so far really isn't very much like her story at all. She could simply be making an observation on human behaviour in general. Someone who is telling the truth is usually doing so rather plainly and shortly. Someone who is assuring too much is usually lying either to herself or to the audience. Therefore Gertrude implies that she predicts the Player Queen will break her word. Hamlet seems to interpret her statement in this way since in the next line Hamlet says: "O, but she'll keep her word".

• "Money is the root of all evil."
  • In context: "For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows." (1 Timothy 6:10) KJV (The King James Bible)
  • Many translations render what the KJV renders as "the root" (originally ῥίζα) as "a root" or "at the root" and "all evil" (πᾶς κακός) as "all sorts of evil" or "all kinds of evil". (See also translations in New International Version, New American Standard Bible, New Living Translation.) All translations agree that it is the love of money, rather than money itself, that is associated with evil.

• "Now is the winter of our discontent."
  • In context: "Now is the winter of our discontent / Made glorious summer by this sun of York." – William Shakespeare (Richard III)
  • Notes: This is not a misquotation but a selective quotation, because the grammar of the quotation is different from the grammar of the original, and hence the meaning may be lost on some. As misquoted, is is the main verb, and the phrase means, "The winter of our discontent is happening now." In the full quote, is is an auxiliary verb, and might be rephrased according to modern usage, to clarify the meaning: "Now the winter of our discontent is made into a glorious summer by this sun of York."( this sun of York and not son, a punning reference to the coat of arms of Edward IV)

• "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him well."
  • Correct quote: "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio – a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy." – William Shakespeare (Hamlet, Act V, Scene I)

• "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
  • Alternative: "We sleep safely at night because rough men stand ready to visit violence on those who would harm us."
  • In his 1945 "Notes on Nationalism", Orwell claimed that the statement, "Those who ‘abjure’ violence can only do so because others are committing violence on their behalf" was a "grossly obvious" fact. "Notes on Nationalism"
  • Notes: allegedly said by George Orwell although there is no evidence that Orwell ever wrote or uttered either of these versions of this idea. They do bear some similarity to comments made in an essay that Orwell wrote on Rudyard Kipling, when quoting from one of his poems. Orwell did write, in his essay on Kipling, that the latter's "grasp of function, of who protects whom, is very sound. He sees clearly that men can only be highly civilized while other men, inevitably less civilized, are there to guard and feed them." (1942)
    • "Yes, making mock o' uniforms that guard you while you sleep" – Rudyard Kipling (Tommy)
    • "I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it." – Aaron Sorkin (A Few Good Men)
  • Alternative: "We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm." – Winston Churchill (miscellaneous quotation, no date)

• "Play it again, Sam"
  • Actual quote: "Play it once, Sam, for old times' sake, play 'As Time Goes By'." – Ingrid Bergman (Casablanca)
  • Actual quote: "You played it for her, you can play it for me. ... If she can stand to listen to it, I can. Play it." – Humphrey Bogart (Casablanca)
  • Note: Woody Allen paid homage to Casablanca under the title Play It Again, Sam, which is likely the source of much such misquotation.
  • The line first occurred in the Marx Brothers' film A Night in Casablanca (1946), another possible source of the misquotation.

• "I'm ready for my close-up Mr DeMille"
  • Actual quote: "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up" Gloria Swanson (Sunset Boulevard)

• "Greed is good"
  • Actual quote: "The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works." – Michael Douglas (Wall Street)

• "Someone set us up the bomb"
  • Correct quote: "Somebody set up us the bomb"
  • The spoken words are "Someone set us up the bomb" in the flash animation which made the phenomenon popular.
  • "somebody set up us the bomb" is a cheat code in Empire Earth to win the game automatically.
  • Notes: From a Japanese video game, Zero Wing, with a very unskilled and amusing English translation. Similar to "all your base are belong to us", which occurs in the same game.

• "The rest is science"
  • Correct quote: "The rest is silence" – William Shakespeare (Hamlet)
  • Notes: This phrase may also be used as a play on words, or even plain prose, as when Steve Swallow, the jazz musician, said about jazz composition, "Eventually, an idea always comes, and then the rest is science."

• "To gild the lily"
  • Correct quote: "To gild refined gold, to paint the lily" – William Shakespeare (The Life and Death of King John, Act IV, Scene II, line 13) Shakespeare was himself playing with the biblical story that says that one does not need to add to what God has already done for the lily (Matt 6:28) "See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these."

• "Why don't you come up and see me sometime?"
  • Correct quote: "Why don't you come up sometime and see me? I'm home every evening." – Mae West (She Done Him Wrong)
  • She switched the word order in her next film, I'm No Angel, where she does say "Come up and see me sometime", but without the "Why don't you".
  • A mechanical mouse in a Tom and Jerry cartoon repeated "come up and see me sometime."

• "I am not a crook" Richard Nixon
  • Often attributed to his denial of any foreknowledge of the Watergate break-in, when in fact the question raised in a Press Conference was about his personal finances. Nixon's response, properly worded, was: "People have a right to know whether their President is a crook. Well, I'm not a crook."

• "You dirty rat!"
  • Never said by James Cagney in any film. However, in Blonde Crazy (1931) he says that another character is a "dirty, double-crossing rat!"
  • Also quoted in the 1934 Cole Porter musical Anything Goes
  • Also quoted in the 1990 movie Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by the character Michelangelo in an attempt to impersonate James Cagney

• "The only traditions of the Royal Navy are rum, sodomy and the lash."
  • Winston Churchill's personal secretary, Anthony Montague-Browne, said that although Churchill did not say this, he wished he had.

• "A language is a dialect with a Navy."
  • Original (in Yiddish): "א שפראך איז א דיאלעקט מיט אן ארמיי און פלאט" (A shprakh iz a dialekt mit an armey un flot) – "A language is a dialect with an army and navy."
  • This was not said by Otto von Bismarck, but rather by the linguist Max Weinreich.

• "The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in times of great moral crisis maintain their neutrality", or a variation on that.
  • This was stated by John F. Kennedy and attributed by him to Dante [2]. However, in the Divine Comedy those who "non furon ribelli né fur fedeli" — neither rebelled against nor were faithful to God — are located directly inside the gate of Hell, a region neither hot nor cold (Inferno, canto 3); the lowest part of Hell, a frigid lake of ice, was for traitors.

• "A damn close run thing" Arthur Wellesley, the 1st Duke of Wellington, referring to his victory over Napoleon at Waterloo.
  • He actually said "It has been a damn nice thing-the nearest run thing you ever saw...", where he used nice in the archaic meaning of "careful or precise" and not the modern "attractive or agreeable" or the even more archaic meaning of "foolish".

• "Do you feel lucky, punk?" – Clint Eastwood as Harry Callahan in Dirty Harry
  • Correct quote plus context: "Ah-ah. I know what you're thinking: 'Did he fire six shots, or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But, being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, PUNK?"
  • Jim Carrey's character in The Mask paraphrased Harry Callahan by speaking this misquote.

• "Whenever I hear the word 'culture' I reach for my revolver."
  • The actual quote is "Wenn ich Kultur höre ... entsichere ich meinen Browning!" This translates as: "Whenever I hear [the word] 'culture'... I remove the safety from my Browning!"
  • This quote is often mistakenly attributed to leading Nazi Hermann Goering, or occasionally to Julius Streicher, a lower-ranking Nazi. This misattribution may date from the famous Frank Capra documentaries (Why We Fight) shown to American troops before shipping out.
  • In fact, it is a line uttered by the character Thiemann in Act 1, Scene 1 of the play Schlageter, written by Hanns Johst. The association with Nazism is appropriate, as the play was first performed in April 1933, in honor of Hitler's birthday.
  • Baldur von Schirach, head of the Hitlerjugend, delivered this sentence in a public speech, circa 1938. A footage of the scene, with von Schirach actually drawing his gun, appears in Frederic Rossif's documentary "from Nurnberg to Nurnberg".
  • Notes: It is possible that this is actually a rather more felicitous phrase in translation than it is in the original. Both the original German and this English translation were juxtaposed by Howard Thomas in his review of an article by Nicholas H. Battey in the Journal of Experimental Biology, December 2002, as "the famous words of Hanns Johst: 'Wenn ich Kultur höre ... entsichere ich meinen Browning' – 'Whenever I hear the word culture, I reach for my revolver.'"
  • The phrase itself may be a play on words as the word Browning may refer to both a pistol and the English poet Robert Browning.
  • Additionally it should be noted that a Browning (most likely the M1935 High-Power) is not a revolver, but a magazine-fed semi-automatic pistol. However, at the time the word "Browning" was used to refer to any pistol, much as "Colt" is used for any revolver in westerns.

• "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"
  • The correct quotation is "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned/ Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." by William Congreve in The Mourning Bride of 1697.

• "Don't fire till you see the whites of their eyes."
  • This quotation is usually attributed to Andrew Jackson at the Battle of New Orleans.
  • In fact, it originates with Colonel William Prescott commander of George Washington's Continental Army, at the Battle of Bunker Hill. The full quotation is, "Don't fire till you see the whites of their eyes. Then, fire low!"
  • Source: George Washington's War by Robert Leckie

• "Houston, we have a problem"
  • This phrase, supposedly uttered by Apollo 13 commander, Jim Lovell was, in its original rendering: "Houston, we've had a problem here. We've had a main B bus undervolt". However, the first notification to Houston that there was a problem was by fellow astronaut Jack Swigert, who used almost identical words. The official NASA chronology [3] lists the messages as:

    55:55:20 – Swigert: "Okay, Houston, we've had a problem here."

    55:55:28 – Lousma: "This is Houston. Say again please."

    55:55:35 – Lovell: "Houston, we've had a problem. We've had a main B bus undervolt."

  • However, in the movie Apollo 13, Tom Hanks says Houston, we have a problem,. [4]

• "Kismet Hardy / Kiss me, Hardy" – British Vice Admiral Horatio Nelson
  • Nelson is rumoured to have said "Kismet Hardy" or "Kiss me, Hardy" whilst he was dying. Kismet means Fate. However, the OED gives the earliest use in the English language of "kismet" as 1849. Nelson did say Kiss me, Hardy to his Flag Captain, Thomas Masterman Hardy, but they were not his final words, and Hardy was not present at Nelson's death. Nelson's actual final words (related by HMS Victory's Surgeon William Beatty, who was with him when he died) were "Thank God, I have done my duty. Drink, drink. Fan, fan. Rub, rub".

• "'The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing" – Edmund Burke
  • The above is most likely a summary of the following quote in Burke's "Thoughts on the Cause of Present Discontents": "When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle."
    • Also attributed to Alexis de Tocqueville.
    • The actual line of Burke's is akin to Benjamin Franklin's "We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately."

• "'We don't need no steenking badges!" – Bandit in The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
  • The original quote is "Badges? We ain't got no badges! We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinkin' badges!"
  • This quote is actually from the film Blazing Saddles, in an obvious spoof of the original source.
    • When the newly recruited Mexican Bandits are presented badges for their participation in the upcoming raid on the town of Rock Ridge, the leader responds with: "Badges? We don't need no stinking badges."
  • The line was again misquoted in the movie The Ninth Configuration, in which a group of mental patients spend their time playing a game called "Famous Lines from Famous Movies" where one person quotes a line and the rest must identify the movie.
  • This is also quoted in the Weird Al Yankovic film UHF, with 'badges' replaced with 'badgers'.
  • A varient of this line Was used by the Decepticon Starscream in the Transformers episode "Ghost in the Machine", where he is quoted as saying "Passes? We don't need to show you no stinking passes!"

• "Spare the rod, spoil the child"
  • There are numerous proverbs dealing with the subject of discipline in childrearing, but this is the closest: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." – Bible (King James Version), Proverbs 13:24
  • This quote can be found in "Hudibras" by Samuel Butler a poem in the 1600's

• "Crisis? What crisis?"- British Prime Minister James Callaghan
  • This was a headline from The Sun newspaper (11 January 1979) referring to Callaghan's reply at an improvised press conference. Asked "What is your general approach, in view of the mounting chaos in the country at the moment?", Callaghan replied "Well, that's a judgment that you are making. I promise you that if you look at it from outside, and perhaps you're taking rather a parochial view at the moment, I don't think that other people in the world would share the view that there is mounting chaos."

• "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."
  • This quote is often attributed to Sigmund Freud to show that even that a famous psychoanalyst can admit that not everything has a profound meaning; However, no variation of this quote ever appears in his writings. It was probably falsely attributed by a journalist, long after Freud's death.
  • Actually, the quote is "Sometimes a pipe is just a pipe." The story goes that Freud was lecturing on oral fixation and one of his cheekier students asked about his ever-present pipe and Freud replied, sometimes a pipe is just a pipe.
  • An alternative from Rudyard Kipling, from his poem "The Betrothed":

"A million surplus Maggies are willing to bear the yoke;

And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke."

• "Preach the Gospel always, and if necessary, use words."
  • Often attributed to Francis of Assisi, the origin of this quote is unknown.

• "Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains."
  • Often attributed to Winston Churchill. [5], The phrase originated with Francois Guisot (1787-1874): "Not to be a republican at twenty is proof of want of heart; to be one at thirty is proof of want of head." It was revived by French Premier Georges Clemenceau (1841-1929): "Not to be a socialist at twenty is proof of want of heart; to be one at thirty is proof of want of head."

• "I woke up this mornin' and I got myself a beer."
  • Correctly, according to the book "Light My Fire" by fellow Doors member Ray Manzarek, Jim Morrison was in fact singing "I woke up this mornin' and I got myself a beard", as the song allegedly tells of Morrison waking up after 3 weeks of drug induced sleep.
  • The line "I woke up this morning and I got myself a beer" was inspired by Alice Cooper. He and Morrison were talking at the recording studio just before Jim went to record this song. He asked Alice about his day and he responded "Ehh.. Woke up this morning.... got myself a beer." Morrison decided to use the line in the song. Repeated in many interviews with Alice Cooper over the years. [6]

• My momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
  • This famous line is spoken by Tom Hanks, playing Forrest Gump in the 1994 film of the same name. However, in Winston Groom's original novel, the "box of chocolates" line is rather different: "Bein' an idiot ain't no box of chocolates." Groom reportedly dislikes the change. [7]

• Let them eat cake.
  • This was never said by Marie Antoinette. Jean-Jacques Rousseau, in his 1783 autobiography Confessions, relates that "a great princess" is said to have advised, with regard to starving peasants, "S’ils n’ont plus de pain, qu’ils mangent de la brioche," commonly translated as "If they have no bread, let them eat cake!" It has been speculated that he was actually referring to Maria Theresa of Spain.

• You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!
  • While Jack Nicholson does indeed say the second part of this line in the film A Few Good Men, the correct dialogue sequence is: "You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the truth!" Cruise's character, in response to being asked if he wants answers, responds that he thinks he is entitled; asked again if he wants answers, Cruise states that he wants the truth. This sets off the monologue from Nicholson that begins with "You can't handle the truth!" This misquotation is commonly used in parodies of the scene, including twice on The Simpsons.

• Hello, Clarice.
  • This line, while occasionally used in parody of the film The Silence of the Lambs, was never once used in the film itself. However, Anthony Hopkins's character, Hannibal Lecter, does at one point utter a similar phrase of "Good evening, Clarice." On the other hand in the sequel Hannibal, when the doctor answers detective Pazzi's cell phone, just before he pushes him off the library balcony, Dr. Lecter greets Agent Starling with the following, "Is this Clarice? Well, hello Clarice..."

• Well, here's another fine mess you've gotten me into
  • Attributed to Oliver Hardy, and often said after another one of Stan Laurel's mistakes.
  • The actual quote was "Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into!", which was said in the 1930's short The Hardy Murder Case although there were several variations in subsequent films. The short which followed The Hardy Murder Case was Another Fine Mess, which is presumably the source.
  • Ray Stevens later recorded a song that quoted "Here's another fine mess you've gotten me into / another fine mess, ah well, what else is new."

• I'm out of order? You're out of order! This whole court's out of order!
  • Actual quote: "You're out of order! You're out of order! The whole trial is out of order! They're out of order!"
  • Character of Arthur Kirkland in ...And Justice for All in response to Judge Rayford saying "Mr. Kirkland, you are out of order."

• I am the devil, and I have come to do the devil's work.
  • Usually misattributed to Charles Manson, in regard to the murders at the home of Sharon Tate. Manson was not present at any of the murders known to have been committed by his followers. The actual phrase, though not as said above, was uttered by Charles "Tex" Watson to Wojciech "Voytek" Frykowski.
  • Actual quote: "I'm the devil, I'm here to do the devil's business. Give me all your money."

• Music hath (has) charms to soothe the savage beast.
  • A misquotation from William Congreve's play, The Mourning Bride, (1697). The word "beast" is actually "breast."
  • Actual quote: "Musick has Charms to sooth a savage Breast. To soften Rocks, or bend a knotted Oak."
  • See Wikipedia listing for William Congreve

• Only the Dead have seen the end of War.
  • Attributed to Plato, but actually written by George Santayana in his The Life of Reason (1953). It was first misquoted in one of retired general Douglas MacArthur's farewell speeches and then crept into popular use.

• "A rose by any other name smells just as sweet."
  • Actual quote: "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other word would smell as sweet."
  • The quote is found in Act II, scene ii of William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet – the well-known "Balcony Scene" in which Juliet declares that it is but Romeo's name that is the crime of their passion.
  • Captain Kirk misquotes the line in the original Star Trek series episode "By Any Other Name."
• "If you build it, they will come"
  • Actual quote: "If you build it, he will come" from Field of Dreams.
  • Possibly a confusion of the Wayne's World 2 quote "If you book them, they will come." Said by the spirit of Jim Morrison.

• "'Step into my parlor,' said the spider to the fly."
  • Actual quote: "Will you walk into my parlor?" said the spider to the fly" from "The Spider and the Fly".
  • Also referenced on the song "Spider to the Fly" by the Paper Chase

• "Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think"
  • Actual quote: "Brain: An apparatus with which we think that we think" from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary

• "Nul points"
  • The French phrase is often attributed to the annual Eurovision Song Contest in the media and elsewhere, most notably in the episode of Father Ted, "Song for Europe". However, only points from one to twelve (un – douze) are given during the song contest. The phrase refers to the final score after a country has received no votes at all.

• "Mirror, mirror, on the wall..." – The Queen in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
  • The correct quote is "Magic mirror on the wall” (followed by "who is the fairest one of all?" and, later in the film, "who now is the fairest one of all?") The misquotation does however echo the original Grimm "Spieglein, Spieglein, an der Wand, Wer ist die Schönste im ganzen Land?" (but the story existed before Grimm).

• "Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum, I smell the blood of Englishman, Be him alive or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to make my bread."
  • Should this be quoting from Joseph Jacobs' English Fairy Tales it should say "Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum, I smell the blood of Englishman, Be him alive or be he dead, I'll have his bones to grind my bread." but of course, most people aren't trying to.

• "The Telestial Kingdom is so great that if you were able to see it you'd kill yourself just to get there..." – Joseph Smith the LDS (Mormon) first prophet
  • This is a common tale told in Mormon sermons. It is intended to inspire the parishioners into understanding glory of the Lowest kingdom of heaven, therefore inspiring the listener to wonder the glory of the Terrestrial Kingdom and the Celestial Kingdom
  • External Research on the subject and possible origins of the quote.

• Luke, I am Your Father – Darth Vader in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
  • The correct quote is:
    • Darth Vader: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.
    • Luke Skywalker: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
    • Darth Vader: No. I am your father.
    • Luke Skywalker: No... that's not true! That's impossible!
  • Possibly from the movie Tommy Boy

• Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink.
  • A misquotation from the poem “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner” by Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1834).
  • Actual quote: Water, water, every where, / And all the boards did shrink; / Water, water, every where, / Nor any drop to drink.
  • in Old Man and the Sea

Commonly misquoted

People

Because they are well-known wits, sages, or malapropists, certain people are commonly given credit Citation needed for statements they are not known to have made. Among the more common false authors:

• Otto von Bismarck
• Yogi Berra
• George Carlin
• Winston Churchill
• Confucius
• Kurt Cobain
• Albert Einstein
• Benjamin Franklin
• Bill Gates
• Samuel Goldwyn
• Bruce Lee
• John Madden
• Margaret Mitchell
• Dorothy Parker
• Dan Quayle
• William Shakespeare
• George Bernard Shaw
• John Steinbeck
• Mark Twain
• Kurt Vonnegut
• Oscar Wilde

Further reading

Wikipedia has an article about: List of famous misquotations

• Ralph Keyes: "Nice guys finish seventh – False phrases, spurious sayings and familiar misquotations", HarperCollins 1992, ISBN 0062720392.

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